Dirty Little Secrets
by Crazy PurpleSage
Summary: "I am willing to give up this fight." Naruto bowed his head. He would no longer put himself through this continuous torture. Why was this so important, again? ItaNaru (See profile for update)
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor the song Dirty Little Secrets. They respectively belong to Masashi Kishimoto and Sarah McLachlan. _

_Thanks to my beta –Imperial Mint. As you should all know by now, she rocks. But she still doesn't own Itachi. (And she bets that the author misses this bit and allows it to show; CPS doesn't own Naruto either. :3 ) But actually, this author did see it and does own Itachi. Plus, she knows his exact location –in her closet. XD _

_Please read and enjoy!_

_Dirty Little Secrets _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

I've been up all night drinking to drown my sorrow down.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

"_I am willing to give up this fight." He bowed his head. _

_He would no longer put himself through this continuous torture. _

_Naruto put down his glass. He hadn't even taken a sip. The clear brown liquid didn't look nearly as appetizing anymore. Not that he knew what he had ordered in the first place. Anything to get him good and drunk, to make him forget what he was doing so he wouldn't question himself as to why this was still so important. _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

Nothing seems to help me since you went away.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_He hadn't seen Sasuke for three months. He could be dead by now. Killed by Itachi. Or maybe he had finally left the country forever; banished for good. It wasn't like he would have notified Naruto of his whereabouts –he barely knew who Naruto was anymore. _

_Naruto can still remember, clear as day, the first time he saw Sasuke after he had left Orochimaru. Two years ago in this very same bar. Naruto had thought he was back in one of his dream; that Jiraiya had finally managed to spike one of his drinks and he was having a hallucination. It wouldn't surprise him. _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

"Sasuke?" he whispered softly, more to himself than to anyone else, making sure that his drunken sensei wouldn't hear. Jiraiya was on the stool next to him, trying to sweet-talk an old broad – who Naruto assumed Jiraiya thought was much younger blonde –into coming home with him.

Sasuke was over in the corner, nursing a drink between his hands. His eyes were focused downward into the foggy liquid in front of him – most likely trying to avoid as much eye-contact as possible. It was almost too dark for Naruto to see, but he was almost positive that the whole left side of his face was a discoloured purplish-grey. And if that wasn't enough, Naruto could see small cuts all over the both of his hands, as well as multiple burn marks going up his arm. It didn't look like he had done anything to care for his wounds, unless one counts the alcoholic drink in his hands.

Naruto hopped off his stool, forgoing his duty of babysitting his sensei, and made his way over to the back of the bar, all the while, wondering who came out as the final victor in Sasuke's battle. He hoped it was Sasuke. Otherwise, Sasuke wouldn't be in any mood to talk, let alone entertain ideas of returning to Konoha.

Quietly as he possibly could, Naruto slipped into the seat across from the brooding raven.

Sasuke's eyes didn't waver from his drink, though his shoulders tensed slightly.

Naruto sat up straight –tense and anxious. What does one say in such moments? Something to make sure he wouldn't bolt the second Naruto opened his mouth? Was that even possible? But when had direct confrontation been very productive for them anyway? Images of the Valley of the End flashed through his mind, but Naruto mentally shook them away. This wouldn't end like that. He would make sure of it.

"Sasuke," he whispered yet again; coughing when the word didn't seem to pass beyond his throat.

Even the small cough didn't make Sasuke look up, but he acknowledged Naruto's presence with the twitch of his lips.

"Leave."

Naruto froze, eyes wide; holding his breath like it was the last thing he would ever accomplish in this life.

After a moment had passed, he cleared his throat again, ready to speak for a second time. But as his mouth opened, Sasuke's hand shot out and clasped itself around Naruto's neck.

"I said," Sasuke finally lifted his dark eyes to look up at Naruto, halting mid-sentence.

Obsidian clashed with darkened blue –a raging ocean before a storm.

Before Naruto could even think to retaliate, Sasuke leaned in and smashed his lips against Naruto's. Moving his mouth on the bruised ones of the unyielding blond, Sasuke closed his eyes, loosened his hand from its hold on Naruto's throat and moved it down to squeeze his left shoulder, bringing their bodies closer. Shoving the table to the side, he cancelled the space between them and pressed their torsos together.

When the need for air became too great a second later, Sasuke parted their lips long enough to recalculate their surroundings. No one was paying them too much attention –they were in a bar late at night, after all.

Bringing his hands together behind Naruto's back, Sasuke transported them to his hotel room.

"Sasuke!" Naruto cried out, his own hands grasping at Sasuke's chest, caught between trying to push him away and pull him closer. He had never felt so good in his life. So much attention to his body. Sasuke was so close. It was sinful. He had to admit, he had never thought of Sasuke in this way before, but he was reluctant to stop him.

Pushing Naruto down on the bed, Sasuke pounced down on him. Covering the blond's mouth to prevent further protest, Sasuke's hands immediately began to move south –unzipping Naruto's coat, his pants. Back up to his white t-shirt, he pulled it over his head with a frustrating violence.

By the time Naruto was able to come back up for air, he was too busy gulping in great bouts of O2 to realize his practically naked body being chilled by the night air coming in from the open window. When he finally looked down in shock, he grappled around him for the sheets in an effort to cover himself.

"Wha-what are you doing, Sasuke?"

Sasuke growled, an angry snake hissing at its prey. Reaching behind himself, he ripped away the large purple bow keeping his robe on. Looking down at Naruto, with a predatory glint in his eye, Sasuke's mind seemed to be somewhere else entirely.

"Wishing you were someone else," he growled.

Naruto blinked rapidly. What was he talking about? _Who _was he talking about? Who did he want him to be?

But before he could think on it any further, Sasuke had pounced on him once again and was grappling with the green, fox-covered fabric covering Naruto's lower regions.

Not even bothering with any preparations, Sasuke thrust himself inside Naruto. Closing his eyes in ecstasy, he seemed to have blocked out all other sounds. He was completely oblivious to Naruto's cry of pain echoing off the walls.

Tears streaked down tan cheeks as Naruto gripped the sheets below him. He felt like he was being torn in two as Sasuke continued to pound into him.

He screamed, wanting it to stop, wanting to push Sasuke off. But for once, he was too weak. And he knew it.

Suddenly, a different cry was ripped from his throat as he felt a wave of euphoria wash over him. Garbled words of encouragement –that he didn't even know he was saying –were coming out of his mouth.

He became vaguely aware of the heavy grunts echoing in his ears from far off before he completely blacked-out –not even aware if his head touched the pillow.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

Naruto turned over on the soft bed, whereupon sunlight hit his eyelids full on. Groaning at the assault on his retinas, he covered his hand over his eyes and peered groggily through his fingers.

Slowly, his eyes adjusted to the light enough to open them fully to find himself in an empty room. All traces of Sasuke completely gone, vanished into thin air. But even that explanation would be nicer than what Naruto knew it really was.

Sasuke had left him standing alone for –what was this, the third time? He had completely lost track of how many time Sasuke had managed to walk away without even looking back.

But this time was different.

That hadn't even been a convoluted parting of friends, but of strangers. It was clear that it had been nothing more than a quick fuck with a blond to Sasuke.

Naruto felt his throat drop into his stomach, which suddenly felt extremely queasy. Sasuke's words came back to his mind like a slow and painful injection of poison.

"What are you doing, Sasuke?" Naruto remembered his own frustrated, scared, confused, and –he had to admit –excited tone.

"Wishing you were someone else."

Naruto swallowed, but the nasty taste in his mouth didn't disappear.

Who had Sasuke wanted him to be? It was clear that Sasuke hadn't even recognized him as Naruto, but had seen something familiar in his appearance. Naruto could have sworn there had been a connection when their eyes met. But perhaps that had just been his own deluded mind seeing reflections of light from a dusty bar lamp as a spark of recognition.

He would berate himself once again that he should give up on his delusions of grandeur of bringing Sasuke back. After an all-out fight, all sweaty and victorious, Sasuke would collapse, admitting defeat and the fact that he missed Naruto. Then, with a huge smile on his face, Naruto would carry Sasuke through the village gates.

And then he would wake up and remember yet again that it was nothing more than a dream.

Deep breath. He would get over this. Again. He would go home empty-handed and pretend like he didn't see the worry and disappointment in his friends' eyes.

Rolling over onto his other side, he took a cursory glance around the room to see where his clothes had fallen.

All he really wanted was to try and fall back asleep. To hell with training, Jiraiya, and the mission. Some days he wished he could forgo all thinking and remnants of a conscience. Because some days, it was all too much. But his nindo wouldn't allow for that.

So he rolled that much further over the side of the bed, landing on the floor with a thump, and began to get dressed.

He would get back to the room before Jiraiya anyway. It was only nine in the morning.

He silently left through the window, then made his way across town to where he and Jiraiya were staying –much dingier, but cheaper place.

"Hey brat!"

Naruto turned, surprised, to see Jiraiya sitting at an outside café with a cup of tea and bowl of rice. He must have still been getting over his hangover.

"Where've you been?" Jiraiya quirked his eyebrows in a suggestive, knowing manner.

"Nowhere," Naruto sighed, praying that the old perv would let the subject drop. But then that just wouldn't do justice to his name.

"Right," Jiraiya drawled as Naruto dropped into the seat across from him. "We're leaving town after this." He began to get back to business, though that stupid grin never left his face. "My informants tell me our target is on the move again. We need to keep chase."

Naruto nodded; raising his hand to the waiter to order the same thing Jiraiya had –he knew he would be paying for it anyway.

"Right after breakfast." He smiled; allowing the comfortable student-teacher silence fall between them.

He knew he could get through this if he focused on training, the mission, and ignoring Jiraiya's evocative comments.

Piece of cake.

He sighed.

Yea right.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

He was home.

Finally, after two months, they had completed the mission. They had terminated the threat to the Fish Village and got paid generously for it.

Now all he needed was a good night's sleep before going to see Tsunade with his mission report. Jiraiya would probably leave out most of the important details when he and Tsunade got drunk tonight –a sort of "welcome home" tradition between the two Sannin. Naruto wondered if it ever got to be more than just getting drunk with an old friend –a never-ending catching-up of sorts –but he knew better than to ask.

Trudging up the steps to his apartment, he felt his mind slowly beginning to shut down.

"Naruto!" a high-pitched whining noise caused him to look up. There was Sakura leaning on his apartment door in Lee's arms at ten o'clock at night.

It wasn't until a couple overnight missions a few years ago that Naruto found out that Sakura had trouble sleeping at night sometimes. Fears of waking up abandoned on a cold bench usually kept her awake to the wee hours of the morning. Not knowing what else to do, Naruto took his friend to see Tsunade, who prescribed her some Percocet for the particularly sleepless nights.

That's why Naruto wasn't surprised to see his teammate looking a little less put-together than normal.

"Naruto! Naruto. Naruto," Sakura whined, squirming restlessly in Lee's hold to get to her friend. Finally, she broke through just as Naruto was almost at his door.

Naruto caught her in his arms and gave her a soft hug, slowly pushing her back towards Lee, who gave him a grateful look as he enclosed her in his arms once more.

"I want Sasuke back." Sakura closed her eyes and leaned against Lee's chest.

Naruto hid a cringe as he fit the key in the lock and opened the door, allowing them all into his humble home. "I know, Sakura. I know." He cooed as he led the couple over to the couch.

"Sorry, Naruto. I couldn't get her to sleep. She was adamant to see you once you got back from your mission," Lee interjected as he laid Sakura down on the deep red cushions.

"It's fine. You know I don't mind," he reassured him, dropping his bag outside his bedroom door and going to the kitchen to make two cups of tea –Sakura would be out cold in a few minutes anyway.

"But," he turned back around at the sound of Sakura's voice, "Don't you want Sasuke back too?" she groaned, fighting off the heavy pressure of her eyelids.

Naruto paused.

His heart beat loudly in his chest.

Did he want Sasuke back?

The Sasuke he saw last month was not the same Sasuke he had wanted to bring home. That Sasuke hadn't even known who he was. He had acted as though Naruto was a complete stranger to him. Even after they… they…

Ugh! He couldn't even think it.

"Naruto?" she questioned, grogginess evident in her garbled accent. She had probably already forgotten her question, but she was still waiting for Naruto to answer her with something.

"Of course I want Sasuke back." He turned his head to give her a reassuring smile then walked off into the kitchen away from all eyes watching his actions.

Sasuke.

Did he want _that _Sasuke back?

It was no longer a test of strength and will power, but if the Sasuke he brought back would still be in touch with reality. If the Sasuke he brought back would even be mentally fit to be a ninja. Would he remember Team 7?

Had the Sasuke he just encountered thought of anything other than Itachi and revenge the whole time he had been gone? Naruto knew that holding a grudge is both physically and mentally debilitating to you no matter how small. That over time it eats away at you in ways you can't imagine –as Sakura was so kind to inform him after one of her medical training sessions with Tsunade. But what Sasuke had was way more than a mere grudge. He had taken hating Itachi to a whole new level. Who knew what that kind of obsession really did to the mind?

The shrill whistle of the kettle abruptly shook him from his thoughts.

"Right, tea," he muttered to himself.

What he wouldn't give for a silent home where he could just crash on the couch and not think about life for awhile.

But alas, that just wasn't meant to be.

"Naruto?" Sakura's voice cut upwards as she whined for her teammate.

Naruto placed the tea tray down on the table before kneeling down on the floor. Looking up, he anxiously stared across the table at Sakura, who was lying out on the couch.

"What Sakura?" he asked in hushed tones. "Can I get you anything?"

The silence stretched out. Naruto cast a worried glance at Lee, sitting on the couch beside his girlfriend, who had not taken his gaze off of Sakura.

"I…" she paused again, "I want Lee. I love Lee," she moaned, on the breaking point of a sob.

Naruto smiled.

"He's right next to you -"

"I want Leeeee," Sakura whined again, burying her face in the pillow.

Lee leaned over and began rubbing soothing circles in her back.

"You've got him." Naruto smiled softly, in awe at how much Lee cared for Sakura. She was lucky to have him. "He's got you," he whispered, as though adding a lullaby to Lee's calming gestures.

After a few minutes of silence, Sakura was finally able to drift off.

Giving Sakura one last loving smile, Lee then kneeled down across from Naruto, who was pouring them both a cup of the now luke-warm tea.

"So, how'd your mission go?" Lee asked as he graciously took a cup from Naruto with a smile.

Naruto froze, holding his breath. Why did he immediately associate mission with Sasuke? How did his every thought track return to Sasuke? It wasn't enough that he just took his life, his goal, his virginity, and now his thought process. Sasuke just needed to be everything in his life, didn't he?

Ugh. It made Naruto want to stand up and scream, ripping his hair out with white-fisted hands. Sasuke infuriated him so.

But not in the way he once had.

Not in the way that he thought of Sasuke as a bastard and jerk with a need to consult a proctologist.

No. This Sasuke made him feel frustrated, upset, confused, and…dirty. But he wasn't sure whether he totally hated it yet or not.

"Fine." He finally released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "No problems." He took a sip of tea.

"Good!" Lee nodded, not catching the hesitation, and gave Naruto a bright smile. Though his volume had been lowered since he started dating Sakura, his exuberance and enthusiasm were still there. "Sakura was really worried. I don't know what got her so worked up." He shook his head.

Naruto shrugged.

They let the silence yawn over the small living room, drinking their tea in good company.

After half an hour had passed, Naruto finally stood up and stretched. "You and Sakura can stay here for tonight. You know where the spare futon is." He bent back down and picked up the tea tray. "I'm going to bed. Make yourselves at home."

"Oh, thanks, Naruto." Lee stood up with his drained cup to follow Naruto into the kitchen.

Placing the tray on the counter by the sink, he emptied the kettle into the sink and let water pour from the faucet into each cup.

"Yea, no problem," Naruto smiled as he turned around to the bedroom, waving goodnight to his friend.

"Night, Naruto." Lee called softly as he made his way back to Sakura.

"I'm shot." Naruto groaned as he dragged his feet across the carpet to his bed.

Abandoning all thoughts of changing, he dropped down, face first, in his bed and sighed with relief as his head sank deeper into the pillow. His whole body seemed to collapse –his arms and legs detaching from his torso, each curling up with a mind of their own.

He wasn't really sure what it would take for him to get up before midday tomorrow.

Just as his eyelashes were about to brush over the top of his cheek bones, a weight seemed to lift and open his eyes once more. Though still unable to move, all sleepiness had miraculously left his mind, leaving only one face swimming behind his pupil.

Uchiha Sasuke.

How one person had managed to evade him for so long and yet still be present in his almost every waking thought was beyond Naruto. Should he go back? Continue to try and get the bastard back?

It just didn't seem like Sasuke was completely there anymore. Perhaps Sasuke took more than Orochimaru's soul out during the battle. What other explanation was there? The Sasuke Naruto knew wouldn't have just left like that. He would have called Naruto an idiot, then a dobe, and probably instigated a fight before walking off with his nose in the air. That was the Sasuke Naruto had been expecting –despite the years of changes he had seen the youngest Uchiha undergo – not the one who knew only violence and sex.

And yet, despite the fact that he knew that the boy he once considered his closest friend was no longer the same person…he knew he would be going back to find him again. Because no matter how much Sasuke changed or decayed on the inside, he was still and always would be Naruto's addiction.

Not that that particular thought eased his mind in any sense, but Naruto soon found himself finally drifting off to sleep.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

'_Cause I've relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night.' _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

To be continued…

_Well, I've already started this and have been going back and forth with Imperial Mint, so the next chapter is done, but I want to get even more written before I post again. But hopefully that won't take too long. Please tell me what you think! :D _


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you, Imperial Mint. You're my beta, I own you! Mwahahahaha. _

_Everyone else, please keep reading. :D _

_Dirty Little Secrets _

_Ch.2_

The next morning, Naruto slowly returned to the waking word with the chirps of early song birds. Groaning, he rolled over to check the bright numbers on the digital clock by his bed. 8:18 flashed into his hazy eyes. Dropping his head back onto the pillow, his cry of "Why!?" was muffled by the padded cotton.

He was usually a morning person, ready to start each day as a new promise to be fulfilled. And despite Jiraiya's tendencies to sleep his hangovers off until at least midday, Naruto had so far been unaffected by his sensei's less-than scrupulous habits.

But not today.

Today was a day he wanted to just lay in bed and think about nothing. Nothing. It wasn't like he really had anywhere to be…

His head shot up from the pillow to look at the numbers by his bedside again.

Wait, 20 past eight!? "Shit!"

He had an appointment with Tsunade about his mission in ten minutes.

He scrambled out of bed; attempting to change out of yesterday's clothes he stubbed his toe against the dresser drawer. "Damn' it!" Another muffled curse spilt forth as the pain shot through his foot.

Pulling a clean, grey T over his head and slipping his legs through black pants, he favoured one foot as he stumbled into the bathroom.

Two minutes later, he emerged from his room –hair semi-brushed, face shaved and washed, deodorant applied, and clutching a black jacket to fend off the slight chill of the morning. Forgoing breakfast –though his stomach strongly protested, so he grabbed an orange for the road –Naruto popped his head into the main room to check on Sakura and Lee.

Sure enough, both were still asleep. Lee had apparently decided to sleep right on the edge of the couch next to Sakura instead of taking the offered futon. He had his arms wrapped around her middle and his chin was resting atop her strawberry head. A burgundy blanket lay over them both –Lee's doing, no doubt.

Grabbing a pad and pen from the kitchen drawer, Naruto quickly jotted down a morning greeting, telling the couple where he was going and for them to stay as long as they pleased. They would probably be gone by the time he returned, the blanket folded and back in the closet and all the dishes in the sink having been cleaned. Once Sakura had rested and was back on her feet, she had little to no memory of the prior night and would be back to her mother-hen mode. Caring for Lee and Naruto were her top priorities, as she put it, knowing how much they took care of her when she couldn't take care of herself.

Naruto smiled at the pair one last time before grabbing his report and sneaking out the door.

Most of the village was awake and active, though it was still fairly quiet for a Thursday morning. Most were at work or in school anyway.

Naruto nodded to everyone he passed, not stopping for any quick chats –he had less than five minutes to go seven blocks to the Hokage Tower. Checking his watch, he stuffed the orange into his jacket pocket and broke into a run. He was a ninja after all, for Kami's sake.

"Morning, Baa-chan!" Naruto cried as he flew up the stairs to Tsunade's office. He was a minute early, might as well announce his arrival.

Tsunade's door flew open, an angry blond woman with blood-shot eyes glared daggers at the young man walking jovially towards her.

Tsunade screwed her lips together, but no coherent sounds were coming forth. "Ga- bi-raa-baka." She stormed back to her desk, slamming her hands down on the wood. "You're late, gaki!" her bare arm pointed to the clock behind him. According to her time, Naruto was five minutes past their appointed time.

"Heh," Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Not like it matters. You've probably blocked the whole day off to get over your hangover, anyway."

Tsunade's right eye started to twitch as she glanced to the drawer where she kept her sake.

"Just shut up and give me the report." She snatched the document out of Naruto's hands and fell back into her chair. Letting the pages plop down onto her surprisingly clean desk, she began reading; bending her head down and absently rubbing her temples.

Naruto smirked and sat down, doing a mental peace sign in victory at having won the argument. Now all there was to do was to wait patiently.

After a few minutes of looking concentrating on the clean quality of Tsunade's desk, Tsunade looked up and nodded.

"Good. You're getting a lot better at these things, gaki." She jabbed, knowing how he hated doing paperwork –despite the piles of her paperwork she always has him doing whenever he's not busied with missions. She claimed it was part of his "training," but he wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what she was doing.

"Whatever, baba." He poked back, grinning like a madman. Looking at him, one would think that the insults just bounced off of him. But still, he wasn't going to take abuse sitting down –well, not figuratively, at least.

"Will you stop with the names?!" she groaned, not in the mood to shout today. She leaned back, away from the report, and began rubbing her temples again. "You're a headache waiting to happen, you know that?" she playfully glared at him.

Naruto just smiled and watched as she downed four aspirin with a gulp of water.

It was good to be back.

Finally, she leaned forward again on her elbows, an air of business back in her demeanor.

"So…" Tsunade folded her hands over one another and peered over the top of her layered hands with poorly hidden anticipation.

Naruto sighed, "10 bars and 14 onsen. But no cities."

Tsunade leaned back again and echoed his sigh. "At least that's better than last time."

Naruto kept his thoughts to himself. He had a little more than an inkling that Tsunade was waiting for the day when he told her that he and Jiraiya had not been run-out or kicked-out of any establishments due to Jiraiya's perverted lifestyle. Then, and only then, would she _possibly _label their "relationship" for what it really was, as official. But they all knew that that day would never come. Still, he thought, he couldn't blame her for hoping. Once they both had collected their thoughts, Tsunade sighed again and looked back up at Naruto expectantly.

"And…" she asked.

Now it would be Naruto's turn to sigh again, but instead he felt his insides freeze up. What was this, the fourth person to ask him about Sasuke? Not that he wasn't expecting it from her, but he still felt like everyone he met wanted to know about Sasuke. Why did people always feel the need to bring up the subject of Sasuke whenever he was around? It was like the fall-back conversation starter.

Making sure he was breathing normal –because a little slip would set Tsunade off into asking more questions. Probing for information like a noisy older sister. Or at least that's what he could imagine her behavior was like, having only heard stories from his friends and his own imaginings to go off of.

"No sign of Sasuke. No." He looked her straight in the eye, feeling incredibly guilty as he set his poker face. He had long ago learned from Jiraiya the reasons behind the name the Legendary Sucker and could use it to his advantage accordingly.

"I know you hate my asking, but –"

"I'm fine," he stated. Kami, how he hated to have to say that every time. At least it was better than saying he was okay. Okay is something you ask after watching your dog get run over by a cart or what you say when you visit your friend in the hospital after a huge battle that left them battered and broken.  
'Are you okay?' He mentally shuddered; it was one of his pet peeves. He really hated that expression. He hated any of those mediocre expressions that were just a way to write people off and not go into a full and detailed explanation. And Tsunade knew it. But Naruto knew that she also didn't have any other way of checking up on him. She had to make sure that he wasn't going homes every night to slit his wrists. Not that he had even ever had thought to resort to such drastic measures, but it was better to be safe than sorry, he assumed.

Some days he really was fine. Some days he was close to ecstatic –depending on the weather, how much sleep he had gotten, and who he had talked to.

Bu this morning he just felt okay. Yes, the run-over dog or full body cast type of okay. Maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but nothing a good bowl of ramen couldn't at least alleviate.

"So what are your plans for today?"

Naruto shrugged.

It was back to small talk now that Tsunade had that extra confirmation. They both knew that she was just itching to yell at him yet again and tell him to give up and move on. That he was fighting a losing battle. And he was actually starting to believe her, though he would never admit it to her, let alone say it aloud to himself yet. It seemed like he would be forever chasing Sasuke's back, and the thought actually scared him for once. Was that really how he wanted to spend the rest of his life? Though he knew he would scour every bar on his next mission until he found the raven again.

"Have you seen Sakura? She was really worried about you yesterday for some reason." His brow crinkled with worry at the memory.

"Yea, she was at my door late last night." At Tsunade's alarmed look he hastened to clarify. "She's fine. Just taken a little more of her sleeping and stress medication than necessary. Lee's got her, though." They both knew she was in safe hands.

Tsunade nodded and leaned back in her chair again. "You might want to go see Iruka. He was getting anxious to see you as well."

"Mmm," he hummed in agreement. "Konohamaru and his group should be coming along now."

"They should be graduating in a few weeks. I've already got their sensei; they'll all be put in group 2. We decided to keep them together."

"Really?" Naruto nodded, surprised at how fast his little subordinate had grown up so fast. "Good, that group works surprisingly well together. I think Udon is looking into the medical field, as well. Who's their jounin, then?"

"Ebisu."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Tsunade seemed to share his thought, but shrugged helplessly. "He requested them specifically and the council agreed. Besides, he's actually come along."

Naruto rolled his eyes. Hopefully Konohamaru and his team would fair far better than Team 7 had. One could only hope it was a good decision.

Speaking of those crones," she quickly switched her manner once again to back to business. "Be here bright and early tomorrow morning. At seven we're holding a meeting to discuss Konoha's reaction to the major trading transaction among the Rice, Wood, and Silver villages. So you be here by six."

"Wonderful." He groaned. Neither of them was too keen on dealing with the council so early on any morning. Especially seeing as none of the council members were too pleased about Tsunade's choice of successor. Naruto was meant to be a weapon to serve them as a shinobi, not be the powerful ruler of the village they swore to protect. But Naruto was slowly turning heads and making people see that he was serious. He was going to be the Rokudaime.

Still, the council still held a pretty significant amount of power in this old village. There were still a lot of cranky old folk set in their ways and adamantly against a demon Hokage. This thought of the number of people still against him, and hating his very guts, made Naruto cringe every time he had to see the council. Put that on top of lack of sleep and you had two very grumpy blonds. "Might as well just go back to sleep now. Who needs to see old friends I've missed for months now, anyway?" Naruto stumbled back dramatically, throwing his hand over his eyes in agony, as though on the verge of fainting.

"Oh cut the dramatics. You think I want to be there either? Just make sure I see your ass in here tomorrow." Tsunade smirked, waving him away. "Go, enjoy the day." She ordered.

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" Naruto stood at attention, bowing low before his leader.

"Gaki!" she mumbled, chucking an empty sake cup at his head –which he aptly dodged without a second thought.

He rushed out the door, hearing her chuckle as he swiftly shut the heavy piece of wood behind him.

Naruto burst into the outside world with a bright smile. Taking the orange from his pocket, he cut his nails into the tough skin in a spiral shape along the top and swirled down to the bottom in one quick swipe. Peeling the outer layer away, he tossed it into the nearest trashcan and began to pull apart the juicy pieces. Though he would never admit it, he would choose a fresh and juicy piece of fruit over ramen any day.

Biting into the last piece, he squeezed the smooth quarter between his teeth, squinting to prevent the juice from squirting into his eyes.

Licking his lips of their remaining sticky juice and wiping his hands down the front of his pants, he looked around to find himself in front of Konoha Academy.

"Naruto!" Iruka's voice seemed to come out of nowhere. "Over here!"

Naruto looked around to see his sensei waving at him from inside one of the classrooms with the third year class, who were now calling his name as well.

Grinning like crazy, Naruto walked past the door and jumped through the open window.

"Hey guys!" he greeted as he landed in the room.

"How was the mission?" Iruka asked, standing up from his desk to go and give Naruto a one-armed, welcome-home hug.

"Fine." Naruto returned the half hug as the scarred man peered straight into his face.

'_He's not going to ask me about Sasuke. He's not wondering about Sasuke. He doesn't care about Sasuke.'_ Naruto repeated in his head as he underwent Iruka's scrutinizing stare.

Finally, assessing that Naruto was still in one piece, Iruka squeezed his shoulder one last time before letting go and going back to lean against the front of his desk.

Naruto turned to the class. "How have you guys been? On your best behavior, I hope." He raised an eyebrow as he looked appraisingly over the little eyes.

Immediately, Naruto was bombarded by 30+ voices shouting for his attention.

"Great! We had a test yesterday and I got the highest mark!"

"We started shuriken practice on Monday, the –"

"One of the old trees fell down by the candy shop –"

'I snuck up on my onee-san with a –"

"All right, all right." Iruka raised his hands, calling for order. "One, two, three, all eyes on me!"

All eyes immediately looked to Iruka; mouths shut, hands shooting into the air, waving around, and waiting for their turn to speak.

"Now," Iruka turned back to Naruto." Anything you want to tell us before these little monsters take over?" he smiled good-naturedly at his class.

Naruto titled his head up, bottom lip jutting out in thought. He rubbed his thumb and forefinger against his chin, "Hmm. Well, there was this one time at a restaurant when Jiraiya –"

"Ah!" Iruka waved his hands up spastically, rushing over to stop Naruto before he got too far. "That's enough." He wagged a finger at his old pupil, fighting a blush down from his cheeks and neck. It didn't take much past mentioning Jiraiya's name for most people to either blush or stop the conversation, or both. The perv had quite the reputation. "Ichiroko-chan," what did you want to say?"

A pale brunette with hazel eyes, bright with excitement at being called on, opened her mouth excitedly.

"I finally mastered the clone jutsu!"

Titters were heard around the classroom as children expressed to each other behind tiny hands how they had mastered that jutsu months ago.

"Way to go!" Naruto beamed, shushing all the other children. He turned to the class, "You know, it took me years to master that jutsu. I learned the shadow clone before I could control my chakra enough to get the simple clone down."

"Really?" Ichiroko looked up in shock, along with the rest of the class. "But a shadow clone takes so much more chakra."

Naruto indulged them with a knowing smile.

"Well," Iruka intervened before the conversation got any further, "Naruto learned a bit differently from most students. But different isn't necessarily bad."

Naruto rolled his eyes. Trust Iruka to make this into a moral lesson. If only he could have heard himself say this while berating Naruto practically every day for one wrong after another.

"And anyway, Naruto's an outstanding ninja now." Iruka beamed at his ex-student; pride gleaning in his eyes.

"Yea! He's gonna be the next Hokage." The whole class chorused.

Naruto whipped an imaginary tear from his eye; he's taught them so well. "You got it, guys." He gave them the thumbs-up.

The class broke out into excited chatter again, standing up and shouting to their friends from across the room.

"Alright! Alright!" Naruto raised his hands in attempt to quiet them down. But they were beyond his control.

"One, two, three, all eyes on me!" Iruka shouted again; silence descending immediately.

"Well." Naruto scratched the back of his head in nervous habit. "I can see I've taken enough of your time."

"No!" The class leaned forward, shock and anxiety pulling their faces down into expressions of horror. "You can't leave yet!"

"Apparently we don't seem want to go back to work." Iruka clucked his tongue, though amusement laced his words.

"Heh" Naruto edged back towards the window; attempting to bury his head between his shoulder blades like a turtle, "Sorry. I'll get going." He smiled sheepishly. "It was great to see you all."

"Come to mine for dinner tonight, Naruto." Iruka called out as Naruto put one foot on the sill of the window. "We can catch up." He smiled hopefully. "I'll make my home-made miso ramen."

Naruto could feel his mouth water at the thought, but quickly shook his head. "Sorry. I've got a meeting early tomorrow morning with the old lady." He shrugged helplessly. "I was going to go see a few old faces and then head to bed early."

"With at least some food in your stomach, I hope." Iruka warned threateningly.

"Of course, of course." Naruto hastily jumped out the window and called behind his back. "See you later, Iruka!"

Maybe having an early lunch would hold him over long enough to have an early dinner at four, or something. He would sleep better on a full stomach, anyway.

Well, Ichiraku's it was. Perhaps he'd see some friendly faces there.

Turning to go the opposite direction, he made his way to his favourite ramen bar.

"And I didn't know what she meant by that. What kind of place doesn't allow dogs?"

Naruto smiled as he picked up Kiba's incredulous tone before turning the corner to see the dog-loving boy himself.

"I have no idea." Shikamaru added in sarcastically. Though, knowing Kiba, it probably went over his head.

"I know."

Yep, right over his head. Naruto held back a chuckle as he stood hidden from view outside the stand.

"So I tried to get Hinata to help me sneak him in, but she refused." Kiba's voice was getting higher and higher in disbelief.

"Really?" Chouji's low grunt could be heard around the ramen he was slurping up. "That's not like Hinata."

"Actually, she's gotten a lot braver since dating Kiba." The rarely heard voice of Shino spoke up, muffled from behind his high-collared coat. Didn't the guy ever take it off even to eat, Naruto mused.

"Yea."

You could practically hear the proud smile in his voice.

Naruto decided to make his presence known, as stepped through the noren to take a stool by Shikamaru.

"Hey, guys." He smiled, raising two fingers to the old man behind the counter. They knew his usual.

"Naruto!" A chorus of surprise and excitement came from each of his friends –Shikamaru's and Shino's quieter and less enthusiastic, but no less genuine.

"Where've you been, dude?" Kiba leaned dangerously back n his chair to pat Naruto on the back.

"Kiba," Naruto deadpanned, "I've been with Jiraiya on a mission for five months."

"Oh, right, right. I remember someone telling me that." Kiba grinned, scratching the tattoo on his cheek.

"Yea, the last twenty times you asked." Shikamaru grunted, leaning forward and dropping his face down in the counter by his noodles –who cared about being sanitary when you were a lazy genius? "It's time for a nap."

"Come on, Shika." Kiba shook the lazy boy's crossed arms. "It's not even midday yet!"

"Another bowl, please." Chouji called, ignoring his best friend ready to fall asleep at any moment. It was nothing he wasn't used to by now.

"Whatever," Kiba gave up and returned to his ramen. "What's up with you, Naruto?"

Naruto took his bowl with a gracious nod to the old man, before turning an ear to Kiba.

Of course, it was just another person asking about the mission. About Sasuke. About whether he was doing okay. About if he was still their old friend? About whether his obsession for getting Sasuke back had taken over his mind yet? And-

"Naruto?" Shikamaru nudged his shoulder –his own head finally above the counter. "You okay, man?"

Naruto blinked several times, letting the sounds of the ramen bar bring him back to reality. Deep breath.

He was doing this way too much.

Damn that raven-haired man who was doing this to him. He had twisted his thoughts, making his guess the lines between friendship and insanity.

It wasn't fair.

"I'm fine." He reached forward, grabbed his chopsticks, and snapped them in half. "What were you saying?" he smiled expectantly at his friends.

Shikamaru just shook his head and laid his forehead back down on the counter, while Kiba outright muttered, "he's finally lost it."

That did it.

Naruto abruptly stood up, the stool scraping across the concrete under him. "What did you say?" he glared down at his friend.

"Nothing! Nothing!" Kiba's hands flew out in front of him, protecting himself. "It was a joke, man, I swear. Sorry." His wide eyes relaxed as Naruto bowed his head and took his seat again.

"Oh." He put his chopsticks back into his bowl. "Sorry. I just need some sleep, I guess." He stuffed the noodles into his mouth, preventing him from having to say anything more that would place his foot even further into his mouth.

"Uh, yea." Kiba leaned back away, looking at Shino next to him. "Maybe you just take a nap now. You know. How much sleep have you been getting lately?"

Naruto tried to grin around with the noodles in his mouth. Swallowing, he pounded on his chest to get the past bunch down, before answering. "Enough. I figured I'd get a full meal before I sleep the rest of the day away, you know."

Kiba grinned, the incident practically already forgotten.

"So what's new with you guys?"

"This and that." Kiba shrugged one shoulder and then the other.

"How's Hinata?" Naruto have him a sly smile.

"Oh." Kiba blushed, looking down into his empty bowl. "She- she's good. You know."

Naruto's smile widened as he nodded and went back to his bowl, liberating Kiba from further interrogation.

"So, how long are you back in town?" Shino asked from the other end of the table. "I'm assuming Tsunade will have you out on another mission before the week is up." He buried his head further into his collar, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose with his middle finger.

"Yea, I guess so. I'm meeting with her and the council tomorrow morning."

"Ugh." A round of groans chorused through the five boys.

"Already, man?" Kiba slammed his hand on the counter. "You know she's going to have something big for you by tomorrow."

"Don't you ever get a break, Naruto?" Chouji voiced, finally putting down his chopsticks and leaning forward to look up the table at his blond friend.

Naruto shrugged. "I guess not." He dug his utensils into his second bowl of ramen. This should hold him over till tomorrow morning. Two bowls was more than enough after surviving on one and half meals a day while traveling with Jiraiya. Who knew his stomach was capable of shrinking after all the ramen he was able to put into it every day since he was old enough to walk outside?

"You should tell Hokage-sama you need a break. I'm sure they can do without you for a few missions, you know."

Naruto was silent.

Of course they didn't know what he did that was indispensible in all his missions. He supposed that more men could accomplish what he and Jiraiya did. But why waste a whole squad that would sooner end up dead or captured when you had two willing and talented ninjas- the best –who couldn't wait for the chance to get out of their village?

"I hope you can at least stay until tomorrow night. Hinata's planning a dinner party with our year –seven o'clock at hers. You should come. It'd be a real surprise." Kiba grinned hopefully, waiting for Naruto to look up.

Naruto finally put down his bowl, wiping the last of the broth on his sleeve, and stood up. Putting down some money, he turned to Kiba. "I don't know what Baa-chan has planned for me yet, but I'll try to be there."

Shikamaru finally lifted his head from his arms to look up at Naruto, "Well, let us know if you have any more free time while you're in town."

"Will do." Naruto saluted the group and turned back to walk home. "See you guys later."

"See ya!" the group waved him off, then turned back to their own ramen and conversation.

Just out of sight he stopped, feeling the need to stick around and hear what else they had to say. Tilting his head towards the ramen bar, he finally heard Shino's voice speaking mildly above its normal whisper.

"I wish he would just come home and stay home for once. Whatever Tsunade-sama has him doing can't be healthy."

"Yea, he's never going to give up on Sasuke if he's always out on missions looking for him." Kiba agreed.

"Sasuke's never coming back. He turned his back on us for good. I just wish Naruto could see that." Chouji said the last words before silence descended for a moment.

"So what are your plans with Hinata for the weekend?" Shikamaru spoke up in a groggy tone. Trust Shika to turn the conversation for Naruto's sake. He wasn't called a genius for nothing. Of course he knew that Naruto hadn't left just yet.

Naruto smiled and silently thanked his friend. If there was one person he missed talking to the most, it was Shikamaru.

But it was times like these, hearing what his friends were really thinking, that reminded him why he preferred always being on the road.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_I'm so tired of this town._

_Where every tongue is wagging, _

_When every back is turned, _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

Naruto closed the door behind him. Heaving a sigh, he was glad to see that Sakura and Lee had indeed left –cleaning the apartment behind them, just as he had predicted. Not that there was much to clean after being gone for months, but there was not even a trace of the couple's stay.

Except a note.

Naruto walked over to the coffee table where he had talked with Lee last night. Picking the piece of paper up, he immediately identified Sakura's neat calligraphy.

_Naruto, _

_Thanks for letting me crash at yours again. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to really talk to you, but I want to see you again before your next mission. If you don't make time for an old friend I'll have to pin you down as you leave the village then make sure you can't go another mission for a month. _

_Love, _

_Sakura_

Course; trust Sakura to get to the point. Tsunade and Lee did say she was worried about him, after all. He'd have to make time to see her after his appointment tomorrow. Or she'd just be waiting for him at his door again. Either way, he'd have to see his teammate again before he left. And he had a feeling that this would not be a casual or pleasant conversation between friends.

Nodding at no one in particular, he felt his eyes beginning to droop. He needed some sleep badly.

Walking to his bedroom, he began shedding his clothes till he was left with nothing but his boxers. Standing before his bed, he could feel his eyelids drooping at the sight. He leaned down, set his alarm, and then climbed under the sheets of his bed.

The rest of the world could wait until he got some proper sleep.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Their telling secrets that should never be revealed,_

_There's nothing to be gained from this,_

_But disaster…_

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _

Naruto shot forward in bed, sitting up straight as though Hell's hounds were at his feet.

Catching his breath, he gauged his surroundings, remembering that he was in his own room.

Nothing to fear.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he threw his legs over the side of the bed and ran his hand through his tousled hair.

It was only 5:30, so he still had about 20 minutes to get ready. What he really needed right now was a shower.

Stretching, hands reaching up into the air as far as possible, he twisted his back around to each side, and reached down to touch his ankles. One more yawn and Naruto stood up.

He actually felt fairly well rested. It was nice to wake up for once and not wonder how long the peace would last before he had to be on his guard again. Not that a ninja should ever be off their guard, but it was nice to not have to be constantly looking behind your back and checking for chakra from metres and metres away all around him all the time.

It was refreshing to be back at home away from danger. And yet, a different sense of dread settled in his stomach every time he stepped back in his home village. A sense of always being watched and talked about; everyone knew his sins and were ready to point out all the things he was doing wrong in his life.

It wasn't fair, but then again, that's why he was rarely home. He still wasn't sure why he still wanted to be the Hokage so bad. But maybe when he finally made it to the top, everyone would see that he could take care of himself and could move on.

He only hoped.

Naruto grabbed a set of clothes from the draw and dropped them on the bed. Pulling off his boxers, he made his way to the bathroom and turned on the water to the shower.

Once it was warm enough he stepped under the spigot just stood there as he felt his muscles relax as the water streamed down his body. He leaned his forehead against the tiled wall as he grabbed for the soap and began to wash himself. Letting his mind take over the habitual act, he closed his eyes.

A few minutes later, he turned off the water and grabbed a towel from the rack. Drying himself, he finished getting ready.

Clothes on and eyes wide open he checked his watch as he opened the door to his room. He still had ten minutes. Maybe another orange –that would keep his sugar level up till after lunch.

Taking a bite out of the tough skin, he began pulling the outer-layer off as he walked out the door, down the stairs.

As soon as his foot touched the ground his orange was long gone. Deciding that he needed a morning wake-up, he set off at a run.

Through the village, he reached the Tower five minutes before six- which was six for Tsunade's clock. Perfect timing. Forgoing the stairs, he walked up the side of the building into her window.

"Moring, baa-chan." he cried in a sing-songy chirp.

"Gaki!" Tsunade jumped from her slumped-over position on her desk. It looked like it had been a long night for the lady Hokage. "Would you just use the door!?"

"Nah, ninjas don't use doors. It hurts their pride." Naruto sauntered across the room and took his seat across from Tsunade.

"Of course; cause I would know nothing about being a ninja." Tsunade blew up to move her bangs from her eyes.

"Well, you know, being cooped up in this building all the time dulls your senses. I understand." Naruto moved to pat Tsunade on the back, but quickly retreated when she lashed out to bite.

"Glad to see our Hokage being so mature on this lovely morning." A deep voice broke through their morning banter.

Both blonds looked up to see the three council members glaring disapprovingly from the doorway.

"Talk about dull senses." Tsunade muttered to Naruto, standing to greet the old bats.

"I knew they were coming." Naruto looked affronted, getting up to stand behind Tsunade. "I just wanted to test you." He grinned, knowing the elders would barely be able to catch their whispered words.

"I suggest we start the meeting." Danzou grumbled, ushering Utatane and Mitokade in front of him.

"It's only five past six. Our meeting is supposed to start at seven." Tsunade sat back down.

"Yes, well." Utatane settled herself in her seat and cleared her throat. "We were hoping to get a head start on the day."

Naruto fought the urge to roll his eyes. That just meant they were hoping to start the meeting before he arrived. Not like they would normally allow him a word in edge-wise anyway. But it was more for the sense of getting one more up on him, he supposed. Despite their age, they acted like children pouting because they weren't getting their way.

"Good thing I asked Naruto to be here early." Tsunade smiled sweetly, folding her hands on her lap. "Are we all ready?"

A collective "Hai" struck out in the small room, signaling Tsunade to retrieve the forms from her desk and start the meeting.

Naruto kept his ears peeled as they discussed business matters of the positive and negative aspects of this merger. Should Leaf intervene, should there be suspicion of ulterior motive, and what would be the ultimate outcome of this trade? Occasionally he would add his thoughts, when asked by Tsunade. But his main purpose there was to observe the Hokage in action and getting familiar with the council.

"I suggest we send someone in to check out how the merger is going." Danzou said, looking pointedly at Naruto. "Just to make sure that our fears are really baseless."

The two women immediately smiled and agreed whole-heartedly. "Yes, that's exactly what we need."

"A covert operation to oversee it all. Make sure nothing turns…sour."

"Boy," Danzou had never taken his eyes off of Naruto, nor Naruto he, yet he called him out all the same. "This would be just your type of mission, I think. It should take a few months, but I'm sure you can handle a simple reconnaissance."

Naruto clenched his fists.

A recon mission? He was sent out for tracking, high assassination, or covert political envoys. Not reconnaissance. A chuunin could do that! Heck, even a genin team.

It made his blood boil the way they manipulated their power. Anything to hinder him from reaching his goal; from granting him more power. They wanted to ensure he knew he was still their pawn to direct.

But not for long.

"I actually hoped to send _Naruto _out for Mizashi-san." Tsunade cut in.

Danzou smiled, as though she were indulging him in a joke. "Of course, Tsunade-sama, I understand. But Mizashi-san is such a high paying customer. I assume he wants his task done efficiently and effectively." He clicked his tongue at the last words. "We have top ANBU for that, do we not?"

Tsunade grinded her teeth, but nodded nonetheless. "Yes, I suppose we do. But I wouldn't trust anyone but Naruto to fulfill this job." She bit back.

"With all due respect. Uzumaki is still just a chuunin. What could he possibly possess over any ANBU squad?"

Of course they would take out that ace yet again. The only reason he hadn't risen past chuunin was that he had been gone for so long with missions that he'd missed every exam. Plus, he and Tsunade had tried many times to move the date or test his level at a separate date. However, the council always found loopholes and ways to prevent any such action –using old laws and biased supporters.

There was no way out of this one. They all knew he had to concede.

"Fine." He bowed to the council. "I accept."

"Good, good." Danzou's smile widened. "It's good to be out in the field anyway, doing a real mission and all. Traveling on the road all the time and relaxing can be a bit boring after awhile, ne?" his teeth shown in the morning light spilling in through the office window.

How Naruto wanted to throttle him right now. Taking a vacation and shirking off duties?! Is that what he was calling training and performing missions with Jiraiya? Missions that even the ANBU captains didn't know about?

His nails cut into his palms, and he could feel the blunt edges making their mark in the calloused skin.

But what could he say?

Tsunade was seething beside him, glaring at a document on the desk in the far-right corner. She seemed to have reached the same conclusion.

Naruto nodded again, at the moment not trusting his voice.

"Excellent." Danzou clapped his hands on his lap. "I think that concludes our meeting, then. I expect you to leave within the week's end."

With that, the council stood and took their leave.

Tsunade took a calligraphy brush from her desk, snapped it in half and threw the remains at the door.

"Oh, they make me want to snap their necks sometimes." She put her hands up and squeezed, as though she had them right in her hold. "Naruto," she turned to find him at the window, ready to jump out. "Where are you going?" her anger died down as she stared incredulously at the expressionless blond.

"I'm going to pack. I have to see Sakura tonight and then I'll leave by tomorrow morning. Expect my return in a month's time." He bowed his head to Tsunade, and then jumped.

It was still early in the day, but he wasn't interested in seeing anyone at the moment.

That damn council. They always found a way to put one up on him.

He stalked home, seething below the surface with no way to vent his anger. Looking up into the sky, he saw thunder clouds rolling in from the far distant. There would be a storm by tonight.

Which reminded him, at least one good thing could come of all this. Now he was free to search for Sasuke again on his own.

Despite what everyone was saying, he would find that bastard again. But whether he still wanted to bring him back home was another matter entirely.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Don't tell me it's too late. _

_-----------------------------------------------------_


	3. Chapter 3

_Next chapter! :D _

_Thank you Imperial Mint! _

_Dirty Little Secrets _

Why couldn't the council admit defeat and leave well enough alone? Naruto angrily picked up his pack –the same one he had dropped on the floor just the other night – and slammed it on his bed.

He had to admit that Kiba and his friends were right about one thing – he never got a break. Everyone else of the Rookie Nine must be doing three missions a week, tops, and they were most likely nothing higher than B-rank, possible A-rank once in awhile; not S or higher.

Not that he begrudged his work. Like he said before, any chance to get out of the village was a welcomed one. But when he was being sent to do amateur stuff, he believed he had the right to be a little pissed off.

Naruto opened his bag and looked inside.

It was almost pointless to unpack. Most of the clothes inside were clean – preferring to come home with clean clothes than having laundry as the first thing to do when he returned home. He zipped the pack up again and threw it by his bed.

Tonight he would go to Hinata's party and see Sakura; effectively killing two birds with one stone. Sakura was most likely to be at the party, and he could show everyone that he was okay.

Now all there was to do was sharpen his weapons while he waited for tonight. It was only midday, and he wasn't in the mood for eating. He wondered where Jiraiya was – possibly being briefed on the mission meant for _both _of them.

Jiraiya would do fine by himself, but that meant that he would actually have to do the work. He usually helped track the target and then let Naruto do the rest – hands-on training for when Jiraiya would no longer be allowed to get him out of tough situations.

But he didn't want to think about any of that right now.

Naruto picked out a kunai from his sack and twirled it in his hands, while his foot tapped a beat on the floor with every spin. Staring out the window he prayed to Kami that this day would just end. He didn't really want to see anyone before he left, but it looked like a meeting would be inevitable. He just hoped he would be able to say hey, talk to Sakura, alleviate her worries, and then slip out.

In all honesty, he felt like he was nothing more than a stranger to these people now. While he could always count on Kiba for a good laugh and Shikamaru to stay listen and stick by him no matter what, it just wasn't the same. They all knew it. And yet the whole group fought to stay in contact with him no matter what.

It was odd. It baffled him. That would usually be him trying to keep a relationship going.

And yet here he was running away from home and pushing everyone away, just to chase a dead relationship that had gone cold years ago. Ironic was one word to describe it.

Stupid. Insane. Asinine. Take your pick.

Naruto twirled the kunai one last time before sending it catapulting to the ground, landing with a resounding thud in the narrow space between his feet.

It was times like these that he wished he had a hobby. Having devoted all his time to being a ninja, and ultimately Hokage, he had never given any thought to taking up drawing, dancing, writing, games, etc. And it was times like these that it came back to bite him in the butt – when he was only left to his thoughts with nothing to distract him. A distraction was exactly what he needed, but what?

Walking out to the main room, he decided to flip on some pointless TV and reduce his brains to mush for the next few hours. He should be able to impress everyone with his numbed mind. Maybe that would allow him to escape even faster.

Though he doubted it.

Naruto flicked through channels, barely glancing at the pictures on the screen. He was never one for television anyway. He only just got one a few years ago – a birthday present from Tsunade, who was concerned that he needed to be a bit more normal and get lost in some good old fashion TV once in awhile. It wasn't like he was ever home long enough to watch anything, let alone get into any shows. He preferred listening to music on the radio, anyway.

Good thing there was a channel for that.

Switching to a random music station, he laid his head back and closed his eyes. It was slow and he wasn't really listening to the words, but he liked it.

Tapping his foot in time to the beat, Naruto thought only of the rhythm, clearing his mind of all else. Only four more hours of peace to enjoy.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Here's a good one. _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

Several hours later, Naruto took a deep breath as he walked up to the Hyuuga Compound.

Stepping up to the door, he raised his hand, holding it in the air to knock.

"Naruto!" Neji opened the door, letting the light pour onto the steps. "Glad you could come. Hinata had me on watch duty until you showed up. I'm glad I didn't have to be sitting there all night. I might have gone to fetch you in a few minutes." Neji grinned, beckoning Naruto inside.

"Is Sakura here yet?" Naruto asked as he stepped inside, mentally cringing as the door slammed behind him from the force of the wind.

"No, not yet. She said she might stop by yours first to make sure you were coming." Neji nodded, leading the way inside.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Did you hear about my friend? _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

"Heh," Naruto grinned sheepishly. "We'll good thing I'm here, then."

Neji nodded in all seriousness. "Indeed." He took Naruto's elbow and pulled him harder, "Her strength's increased since the last time you were home."

Naruto's face lost all colour.

He was kidding, right?

"Come on," Neji tugged on his elbow. "Everyone else is here."

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_He's embarrassed to be seen now_

_----------------------------------------------------_

"Naruto!" A collective yell echoed around the room.

Naruto felt his insides curl in upon themselves. All of his friends were staring at him with huge smiles on their faces, coming at him. They looked they all wanted to give him a huge hug. Well, the girls at least.

"I told them you would come!" Ino glomped him from behind, squeezing her arms around his neck. Thankfully she wasn't nearly as strong as Sakura or he'd be dead. "Didn't I, Shika?"

"So, so, so. (1)" Shikamaru pouted in the corner, most likely wishing someone would let him sleep.

"Na-Naruto. Can you help me in the kitchen?" Hinata called from the doorway.

"Ha-hai! Naruto ducked from under Ino's arms and bowed his head as he made his way over to Hinata, trying to avoid all eye contact.

"Can you just take these plates?" Hinata pointed to several platters on the counter. But instead of taking a few of her own, she turned around and leaned back against the cabinets. "So. How have you been?"

Naruto gritted his teeth, but quickly covered it with a smile. "Fine."

Hinata didn't return the smile, but frowned critically. "Are you sure?"

Naruto nodded vehemently, trying to convince her and move this conversation along. "Of course. Jiraiya and I have been doing great. All our missions have been successful."

"We haven't seen you in months. And when we do it's only in passing for a moment or two." Hinata sighed. "You haven't been home for more than a few days in years."

Naruto frowned.

Pulling his toe across the floor in circular patterns, Naruto tried to think of a way to answer.

"It's okay." Hinata smiled sweetly, pushing the stacked platters in his hands. "You know you're always welcome at home, ne?"

Naruto opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out.

What was he supposed to say? It wasn't anything against Hinata. He just…

He couldn't stand being here when he knew what everyone was thinking. What everyone knew.

A demon child, a Hokage wanna-be, a chaser of intangible dreams, the boy with delusions of grandeur.

He wanted to be rid of those titles, but they followed him everywhere in Konoha.

Why did he still want to be Hokage again? To show everyone how wrong they were about him?

But what if they were right?

Naruto accepted the plates and bowed his head.

Hinata hesitated, hovering her hand over his shoulder, before shaking her head and taking the rest of the plates and leading the way back out to their friends.

Naruto set the food down on the nicely clothed table and took a deep breath before turning back to his friends. He could feel all their eyes on his back, though a light conversation was still going on amongst them.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Because we all know…_

_-----------------------------------------------------_

"So, Naruto." Kiba started. Naruto could just sense Hinata pushing him in the back to move forward and approach him. "Glad you could come."

Naruto suppressed an ironic frown. Everyone seemed to be glad that he made it, though he knew that they really meant that they were surprised and now the party was a bit more awkward with him there.

"Tsunade must not have assigned you anything recent." There was a smile in his voice that Naruto was reluctant to look up and see, let alone crush with a contradiction.

"Actually," he turned around to face his friends again. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Council's orders."

"Geeze, that sucks, man." Kiba pounded him on the back.

"Kiba!" Hinata scolded.

"Heh," The tattooed boy retracted his hand to run it through his hair. "Sorry."

"Naruto!" Naruto looked up to see his old teammate and friend standing at the doorway with a freakishly calm smile on her face. "Glad you could make it."

Naruto was now ready to add another set of words to his list of pet peeves.

Without further ado, Sakura booked it across the room, grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the next room for some privacy.

As soon as Sakura had slid the door behind them, she squeezed his hand and then quickly let go.

Naruto took his hand back, silently nursing it, rubbing the circulation back through his fingers while Sakura glanced at the door.

"Um, I just." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked down at the hem of her dress. "Thanks for taking care of me the other night; Lee told me."

"No problem." Naruto laughed it away, hoping her embarrassment over her episode would take the pressure off him.

"Thanks," Sakura muttered.

Silence stretched out, the slightly uncomfortable kind between two people who used to know each other really well, but didn't know what to say to anymore.

Finally, Sakura looked up, determination glinting in her eyes as she fixed her gaze to Naruto.

"I was really worried about you. I don't know." She rubbed her arms as though fending off a chill. "Something just didn't feel right, like you were in trouble; big trouble. And I just wanted to make sure you're okay." Sakura bit her lower lip. "I mean _really _okay. Not just what you keep telling everyone."

Naruto's eyes widened. Trust Sakura to see right through him.

"Nothing happened while you were on your mission. Right?"

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_His secrets. _

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Kuso. _Naruto felt himself quickly losing his mind, running circles around circles of frantic thoughts in his head. Had he said something the other night when Sakura was still awake? Did she remember his hesitation about bringing Sasuke back?

Did she know?

"You know you can tell me anything, Naruto." Sakura smiled encouragingly. "I know we're not as close anymore, but I still consider you one of my best friends."

Naruto bowed his head, hiding his face behind his bangs.

"Thanks, Sakura." He mumbled, "You too."

Another silence stretched, but more of an uncomfortable one when you've said something embarrassing and didn't know how to continue. Naruto wasn't too used to these types.

"So," Sakura tried again. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Naruto looked off to the side. Should he tell her something; alleviate her worries? Or keep it to himself and not put any weight on her shoulders? Kami knows she already had enough to bear.

"Nothing. I'll be fine. I promise." He looked up at her, no smile to let her know that he was serious.

"But you're not fine now." It wasn't a question.

Naruto knew he didn't have to answer that.

"Let's just go back to the party." Naruto offered his friend a smile and a hand. "I still have a lot of catching up to do before I have to leave again tomorrow."

Sakura hesitated, looking at the proffered hand, before nodding and returning the smile. "Yea, make the most of the time we have."

"That's the spirit!" Naruto cheered, pulling her to the door.

Only one of them should have to suffer through this.

"Hey guys. We're back." Naruto waved to all his friends, letting go of Sakura's hand as they met the group. "So, what's for eating around here?"

Kiba pounded him on the back, pushing him over to the food table. "C'mon, buddy. I'll fix you up good. Hinata here is the best cook around."

"You would know, wouldn't you Kiba?" Tenten elbowed Kiba with a grin.

Naruto sat back, watching with a smile. A smile and food, and they would think they had their friend back. He would humour them for the night. It wasn't like he would be staying long enough for his face to hurt.

The night passed with him being jostled around, dragged into one conversation after the next, forced to tell lame jokes and stupid stories about his travels to appease his friends.

Kiba seemed especially exuberant to have his friend back, practically sticking to him like glue to make sure he didn't try to sneak out early. Or maybe it was sixth drink of alcohol he was downing.

"The first Hokage was a great ninja."

Everyone abruptly ended their conversations to turn and look at Kiba.

Tenten hit Kiba upside the head, "Where did that come from?"

Kiba shrugged. "I don't know. I was just saying that the first Hokage was a great ninja, right Naruto?" he smiled obliviously at his friend, not understanding the problem.

"Uh," Naruto scratched the back of his head, a look of confusion on his face. "Sure he was."

"See!" Kiba grinned, raising his hands, palm up, as though it were the simplest answer in the world.

"Maybe you've had enough to drink." Hinata came over, trying to pull her boyfriend away from the group, towards the stairs.

"Nah, I'm fine." Kiba swatted her hand away and moved back over to Naruto. "I've got to stick with my friends." He nodded, reaffirming his decision.

Naruto glanced at his watch.

It was almost ten and he had really wanted to be in bed early, wanting to be out of the village before sun rise.

"I'll take him up, Hinata." Naruto gently grabbed Kiba's arm and began steering him towards the stairs. "Which room is it?"

"Oh," Hinata blushed in surprise. "Um, second door on the left. Are you sure?" she took a step towards them, hands out as though afraid Kiba was going to fall.

"Yea," Naruto grinned, guiding the drunken boy up the stairs. "I should be heading out anyway. Got to be up early tomorrow."

Hinata bowed her head. "Oh. Okay." Then, as though stealing herself, Hinata quickly walked up to Naruto, stood on her tiptoes, and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Be careful."

Naruto blushed.

He could not believe she just did that. And in front of Kiba, no less – not that he was particularly attentive at the moment.

Hinata's blush darkened. "I always wanted to do that." She looked him straight in the eye, no longer shy and timid, but determined. "Please watch out for yourself. Won't you, Naruto?" she pleaded. "We don't want to lose you."

Naruto covered the kissed cheek with a hand and nodded with understanding. He didn't really want to lose any of his friends either, and while he really didn't want to stay here any longer, he really didn't want to have to leave them and be constantly guessing if they were okay while he was gone.

"I will."

Not even bothering with a proper goodbye – those lasted forever and just made it harder anyway – he turned around and dragged his friend upstairs.

Kiba was out by the time they reached the top step; his babbling having suddenly stopped after Naruto put his arm around his shoulders to support his sagging weight.

This was easier too.

Naruto laid Kiba out on the bed and then turned to the window.

"Naaaruto," Kiba dragged out, his eyes fluttering open briefly.

Naruto turned, hiding a reluctant sigh.

"Promise. Promise you'll come home." Kiba seemed to be trying to glare the blond into submission.

If only he knew how ridiculous he really looked.

"Promise." He tried to yell, his voice already lost from overuse tonight.

Naruto bit the inside of his lip. Why did that seem like such an impossible thing to say all of a sudden? Wasn't he good at making promises? Wasn't it his nindo way?

Then why was he suddenly reluctant to tell Kiba that he would be coming home?

"I promise," He choked out, looking up to find Kiba already passed out once again.

With a heavier heart, more unexplainable weight on his shoulders than ever before, Naruto opened the window and shot out into the night.

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_Wow. _

Naruto collapsed on his bed. That was a draining night.

Not even setting his alarm, he decided that he could sleep in for one. It wouldn't kill him.

And even though he had to sneak out on the outskirts of town the next day to avoid being seen by his friends, it was worth it.

He wouldn't be getting any sleep for a long while.

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_**Finally! Guess who's going to be in the next chapter? The person you've all been waiting for. **_

Please review!

yea, yea, yea. ("whatever" or "I got it")


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapterised by the lovely Imperial Mint, who rocks the world. BULB forever. ;D _

_Sorry for the horrible delay! I've just lost all my files on my computer so I'm in the process of saving what I can find and starting anew. I am so so so relieved (I cannot even begin to describe it) that I found this chapter –which I had written over a month ago, but not posted yet. I mean, a whole chapter that would have been completely gone forever. And I had already been working on chapter 5. _

_XD_

_Okay, deep breath. It's back! ^.^_

_Enjoy! _

_Dirty Little Secrets _

The mission had been boring; simple as that. He was finally going home after one boring month of useless reconnaissance. There wasn't much you could do when overseeing friendly trade-off amoung countries. Naruto could bet his sharpest kunai that the council had put that issue on the agenda and made such hype about it specifically to get him out of the way. Hopefully because they were just sick of him and trying to add one more marble on the thin sheet of ice –testing to see when he would crack. As long as they had not yet caught wind of his and Jiraiya's missions, Naruto knew he was safe.

Now, he had a few days before his promised return to Tsunade and he wanted to make the most of it. He had been to every bar in each village he had visited as part of this damned mission. And he still had yet to see Sasuke. He was ready to give up and call it quits for the night. Why check the bars in this village _again_? It wasn't like it would do him any good by just wishing.

Shaking his head at his body's refusal to obey his mind, he found himself walking through the doors of the same bar he had visited last night. It was his last night here; might as well give it a shot.

He really wasn't in the mood for a drink, he rarely was. But tonight he especially did not want to lose his senses to a cup of sake. So, he settled for standing in the doorway, just off to the side so he wouldn't be hit by incoming customers. Making a quick sweep with his eyes, his mind was only partly awake –this had become such a routine by now his eyes were practically out of focus as he looked. But wait. This time his eyes caught an unmistakable black, practically blue to the unguarded eye, making him double back to that corner of the room. Naruto's eyebrows shot into his bangs, his heart beating wildly like he had just received the shock of a lifetime.

There he was.

Sasuke was sitting in the corner, hidden by the shadows –though Naruto could spot his rival easily in the middle of a battle field; a smoky bar was child's play. Sasuke was staring off into the corner, a glare ever present, sharpening his porcelain face. Any naïve stranger would think they had stumbled upon a fallen angel, lost and alone. Though, if they tried to "save" this angel they would soon learn the hard way that some angels had good reason to fall from grace.

But Naruto already knew all this and was still walking forward.

This time Sasuke wasn't drunk or just beaten from battle. He had to recognize him.

"Sasuke." He stopped in front of the other's table, two breaths away from the man that was still looking the other way.

Coal eyes lined with dark, heavy circles turned and lifted up towards Naruto. They seemed glazed over, but not in a drunken state; rather, one who has been daydreaming for hours and no longer sees the present world around him. Finally adjusting his vision to the blond above, Sasuke immediately closed his eyes with a slight groan that Naruto barely caught.

"If I didn't know that Uchihas don't hallucinate, I would ask whatever part of my mind that was putting this image in front of me to quit it." Sasuke pushed away from the table and stood up. Walking past Naruto like he really was a mere mirage, Sasuke proceeded to the door.

Naruto stood frozen. So did Sasuke believe he was actually seeing things from his past or did he think that Naruto was here and was just ignoring him, hoping he would go away? Naruto didn't want to dwell on it too long, but the sticks kept stacking on the side that Sasuke was slowly losing his sanity. No matter how hard Naruto had been trying to ignore the facts since their last encounter, it was all coming back to him now. And it was scary. Nonetheless, Naruto wasn't going to leave him. Even Sasuke's mind should know that.

He turned around just as Sasuke was pushing his way through the door. At a quick pace, he accosted him just outside the bar.

"You should know by now that I'm not easy to get rid of." Naruto fell into step with the Uchiha, who was unsuccessfully trying to ignore his new appendage as he navigated his way through the dark streets; the street lamps flickering above. Sasuke's whole head was looking off to the side, a contemplative frown on his face.

"I follow you like a pest till you talk to me." Naruto continued; unfased by his lack of response or attention.

"And you won't stop 'till you get me back." Sasuke murmured absentmindedly, speaking more to himself as he looked up at the moon, allowing the waning light to reflect off his pale skin. "That's what Naruto always said."

Naruto stopped in his tracks. '_Said?' _Did Sasuke think he was dead or something?

He blinked as he saw that Sasuke had kept on walking, not a step out of place, like he had been always walking this path alone. Naruto shook his head, eyes scrunched up to prevent the water that had somehow accumulated behind his lids. Such a simple statement was producing such a strong reaction in him. It was like his stomach was rejecting itself and his whole body was frozen over. He couldn't do anything but look on at the retreating black figure that was suddenly at the end of the street.

Reaching out a hand, Naruto tried to pinch Sasuke's small form between his finger and thumb; but of course, that never really works except in dreams.

"Sasuke!" he called again, hoping to snap the pale boy out of this stupor once and for all.

But nothing happened.

Naruto's voice faded with the light of the moon as a cloud passed over it, plunging the street in darkness, forcing him to rely on his senses to move forward. Naruto scanned the area for Sasuke's chakra, but he was gone.

Naruto shook his head. Sasuke was just _there_, he hadn't imagined it, had he? Had he really frozen for _that _long?

He didn't know.

Looking around in the night, Naruto turned back around and began to head back home. Though he wouldn't admit it yet, he knew that he would soon need to count his losses. Despite the fact that this "mission" had been a success, he knew it was just another string of battles that he had lost to the council, Sasuke, and himself.

The last thing he wanted to do was to go home, but Tsunade was expecting him, and would no doubt have another mission lined up to take his mind off all this for a bit. Still, he found his body moving to the opposite entrance of the village –away from Konoha. He was going back to the hotel for another night.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Naruto sat at the window, looking up into a dark, cloudy night sky. Added to the fact that the candle light beside him was blurring his reflection on the window, preventing him from him seeing the stars, it was a very bleak night overall.

Looking down at the parchment below him, Naruto picked up a brush.

'_Baa-chan, _

'_Yes, I'm fine. And yes, I finished the reconnaissance. No odd or problematic activity. There was nothing there to worry about; as predicted, I'm sure. _

'_Even so, I need an extra month. Don't ask why now, I can't really say at the moment. But this is important.'_

Naruto poised the brush over paper, wondering how to continue exactly. Of course she would be worried, ask questions, and demand he get his butt back to Konoha pronto. But he just couldn't right now. He needed a break; to go somewhere alone for awhile. Not as a mission, nor would it be considered a vacation –ninjas don't have the luxury to relax; ever. Their senses were _always_ alert. Even retired shinobi were never relieved of the memories and images their minds created even years after traumatizing battles have settled into the dust. But all the same, it would be a get-away of sorts. And he would take it, whether Tsunade granted it or not.

In any case, it wasn't like she had a choice. He wasn't coming home and, most likely, she wouldn't come and chase him down.

He turned back to the letter and pressed the brush down, letting the ink bleed onto the page.

'_Give the council whatever bull crap they'll take. I know you're good at that. Just make sure they think I'm still on their stupid mission. I'm sure they expected me to take much longer anyway. I _am_ the village idiot after all, so it shouldn't be a problem. _

'_I'll be back by next month. If you _really _–and I stress "really" –need me for a mission, just send back this hawk. She'll know where to find me.' _

Naruto paused again, biting his lip. What else should he say? He never knew how to end a letter, say goodbye, or admit when something had finally reached its end –a weakness he was still unwilling to admit to aloud.

'_Don't worry about me. I'll be fine._

'_Naruto.'_

"Right." Naruto nodded to himself. "That should do it." He rolled the note up and secured a string around it. Then, putting his hands together, he summoned his hawk. A small puff of smoke later, a blue-black hawk with white-as-snow underside had her claws digging lightly into Naruto's curled forefinger. He had picked her specially two years ago after his intense training with Jiraiya –she had been a gift from his mentour. That seemed so long ago, now. It had been the ending of his innocence; but of course, he hadn't known that at the time.

"Miho," he greeted the beautiful bird softly; she preened as he ran a finger down her back.

"I need you to give this to Baa-chan." He looked her right in the eye, a grim smile set into his face. "Wait 'til she gives you instructions. She may have news for me later. Do what she says, okay?"

The bird nodded, blinking her piercing black eyes, letting Naruto know she understood and would do as he said. Another reason he loved her so much, she was loyal to a fault. Together, they were birds of a feather; how ironic.

"Good girl." He ran a smooth finger down her back once more, making sure to not ruffle any feathers, and tied the note to her foot. "Thank you," he said as he opened the window, pushed her off, and watched her sail towards the opposite way from his own intended path. "Sail strong!" he called after her, knowing her sharp eyes would be enough to keep her away from dangerous predators in this dark.

Once she was completely out of his sight, Naruto turned in his chair to look at the bed behind him. He rubbed his hands together, debating whether sleep was his best option. While he knew he needed some rest before heading off for who knows where tomorrow, the whole room reminded him of Sasuke and the last time they had met. On some level, he knew it had been rape. But even though it wasn't consenting, it hadn't been completely unwanted and it had also allowed him to stay with Sasuke a little bit longer. Not like tonight. But he didn't want to think about that. His mind was going to explode, leaving him restless and confused no matter if he tried to catch some sleep or not. But if he could clear his mind, then maybe sleep would come.

Sighing, Naruto changed into a pair of pyjamas and climbed into bed. Closing his eyes, he began to envision a large chalk board with millions of his thoughts scrawled across the surface. His nose scrunched up as he felt like the chalked words themselves were suffocating him from where he lay. Sasuke's name was one of the biggest and most frequent words that Naruto could see; the rest just looked like light, undefined scribbles. Taking a deep breath, he imagined himself picking up a huge eraser and wiping the slate clean. It took a few minutes till the board was shining black once again, but it was worth it. None of that would bother him tonight.

Then, taking another set of deep breaths, he slowly pulled his body and mind to rest; calming himself to sleep.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The rain seemed to be adding ten pounds to his backpack, making the straps cut harshly into Naruto's shoulders. His blond unruly locks had drooped over and were sticking to his forehead, directing rivulets of water to stream into his eyes and down his face. He was constantly shaking his head, not willing to let go of his grip on the pack to wipe his bangs and the water away, for that would put more unwanted weight on his already aching shoulders. He was thinking of putting his hitai-ate back on just to keep his hair from his face, but he had already sworn to himself that he was not a Konoha shinobi until he was within Konoha boarders again. No one would recognise him way out here anyway. In fact, he had yet to meet anyone else on the road for the past three days. It wasn't surprising really, seeing as he wasn't taking the beaten path. He knew that was dangerous, but he could more than handle whatever someone wanted to throw at him. Plus, he didn't want to be swayed from his thoughts or intended road by some wayward traveler that needed help –he was a sucker for sap stories and he knew it.

His stubbornness to avoid all human kind had led him deep within some forest; and though anyone else would admit to being lost, Naruto was sure he was just beginning to find his path. He would be much happier about it if not for the rain soaking his skin and freezing his bones for the past few days now. Though, in all fairness, the drops were finally letting up after hours of nonstop deluge. He would make camp once it had gone down to at least a drizzle, it was getting pretty late after all, and he had already skipped lunch. So he would settle down early. In any case, it wasn't like he was on a schedule. No one was directing his movements this time. He could sit down right here if he wanted and no one would be any the wiser. No one would yell at him, bonk him on the head with a steel fist, and tell him to pick his ass up and keep moving. No one would point up at a non-existent sun and remind him that he was burning daylight. Because he was alone this time with no plan or mission in mind. And although he was constantly checking over his shoulder at any sounds or moving shadows, he was still enjoying it.

A couple hours later, the rain had completely stopped and the trees' shadows had vanished from the ground; blending in with the rest of the ground. As soon as Naruto was able to lift his head without rain falling into his eyes, he looked around for a proper opening in the trees to sit. Dropping his pack with a thump, he rested his back against a wide trunk for a bit, rolling his stiff shoulders, and gazing through the leaves at the emerging stars. When he felt his eyelids beginning to get heavy, he resigned himself to setting up camp. Grateful that it was no longer raining, he went about making a fire; the promise of warm food to fill his stomach making his mouth water as he worked. Having brought no tent for his spur-of-the-moment excursion, Naruto had had to endure a couple of wet nights so far with nothing but a single blanket and energy bars to go on. But then again, that was the life of a ninja; nothing he wasn't used to by now.

Minutes later, a small fire was crackling, making the rest of the forest seem much darker than the time of night called for. All the same, after retrieving the necessary cooking supplies and utensils from his pack, Naruto set back out into the trees to find some game to roast on the flames. Standing still, he listened to the sounds coming forth from the forest's night life. Naruto titled his head as small hooves crunching of on dead leaves, tiny feet padding on soft moss, and light bodies swooshing through the trees met his ears. He didn't want anything too big, there would only be one mouth to feed, not a whole squad. Concentrating his hearing to the left, where there was a small scuffle in the underbrush, Naruto darted forward. Seconds later, he emerged clutching the hind legs of a fully-grown hare. He brought out his kunai and quickly skinned and then gutted the limp animal as he walked back to the fire; tying the bare flesh to a stick to let it cook rotisserie style.

With the meat heating up slowly, Naruto finally settled himself down to warm up. Hugging his knees to his chest, he stared off into the dancing fingers of orange, red, and blue; just letting his thoughts float to the top of his mind. All the scribbles on that chalkboard from his mind's eye last night came bubbling back, one issue speaking up the loudest of all.

"I think Sasuke has finally lost it." Naruto murmured to his knees, hugging them tighter to his chest.

"Do you want a prize for finally figuring that out or should I let you mull that over for awhile?" a grimly amused voice called softly from beyond the light.

Naruto whipped his head up, half surprised that he didn't notice the other's approach, half surprised at whose voice he thought it sounded like.

"Itachi." Naruto stood up and squinted into the dark until the tall, pale man stepped up to the other side of the fire. The brilliant light contrasted harshly with the dark shadows, illuminating the sharp cheek bones and deep lines under the raven-haired man's eyes. The very flames seemed to flinch as he stepped closer, his coal eyes sucking up the blaze like they were an inferno of their own. He stared down at Naruto with a bleak amusement.

"Would you care to sit down?" Naruto gestured through the flames, letting his manners go on autopilot and over take his shock. "The rabbit's almost done."

"You're not scared?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, though his face remained impassive.

Naruto raised his own eyebrow, feeling slightly amused at how their meetings had changed over time. "You think I didn't do my homework after Sasuke ran off to Orochimaru?" Naruto motioned again for Itachi to take a seat as he sat back down himself. "You're pacifist at heart," He rolled his eyes. Despite the fact that this was his first time meeting Itachi alone since his last encounter with the Akatsuki, Naruto felt like he already knew a lot about the man sitting across from him. Perhaps it was a result of knowing the truth behind the Uchiha Massacre –becoming privy to a deep, dark secret that changed his whole outlook on Konoha and this "rogue prodigy" as he knew it. "You wouldn't hurt a fly if you could help it."

"_Wouldn't_, being the operative word," Itachi said as he took a seat, sweeping his cloak under himself in one fluid motion. "But in certain situations, people tend to do many things they would never dream of in normal circumstances."

Naruto hung his head, avoiding Itachi's sharp gaze as he fiddled with the rabbit, slicing into the leg to check if it was done. He remembered with shame how he had thought Itachi the main enemy only a month ago. Now, that seemed such a foolish thought to even consider. Though he still did not want to put all the blame on Sasuke, he knew that it was not Itachi's fault that the Uchihas had become corrupt. Nor was it his fault that he is a genius who just happened to be born at the perfect time to witness a traumatizing war, learn to harden his heart, become a double spy for Konoha, and eventually be ordered to slaughter his entire clan. Nor was it bad that he saw hope in his brother and loved him too much to kill him. It was true that Itachi had gone through more trauma throughout his life than Sasuke could ever experience, and yet Sasuke was the one going slowly insane. Then again, if the world were truly balanced, Naruto wouldn't be caught in a never-ending circle of cat and mouse.

Shaking the meat off the stick, he cut it in half and placed the parts on two plates. Handing Itachi's portion over the fire, Naruto quickly pulled back his hand as Itachi's fingers brushed against his as the older man's hands clasped the rim of the plate. Whether the spark of heat that ran through his hand and up his arm was caused by the flame leaping too high or Itachi's touch, Naruto didn't know. But he didn't take the time to find out as he busied himself with his own plate.

"Thank you," Itachi said politely. "I haven't eaten since yesterday." He brought a piece to his mouth and chewed it over slowly.

"Me neither," Naruto murmured. He felt like apologising for his horrible thoughts earlier, but knew that Itachi wouldn't understand so he stayed silent.

"I was only trying to make his stronger," Itachi spoke up, seeming to read Naruto's thoughts as the blond sat eyeing his meat on his chopsticks. "I didn't expect his mind to be so weak. I thought if he had a purpose in life after…" he sighed, blinking down at the stones surrounding the fire, "that he wouldn't give up on life all together."

Naruto stared at Itachi. He had always guessed that Itachi had such motives for keeping Sasuke alive and subsequently goading him to hate him; even the most horrid acts seem to have some sort of basis in agape. Still, hearing it from Itachi's own mouth made it all the more real for Naruto.

Itachi finally caught his stare and returned it, not blinking once as his eyes blazed into Naruto's very core, or so it seemed like. After a moment, Naruto realised that he was waiting for some kind of response.

"I agree. There wasn't much else you could do," Naruto nodded, telling Itachi that he sympathised, even though he couldn't begin to empathise with the man. "There's no way to tell how an eight year old would grow up with," he struggled for a word that would not seem cruel, waving his hands in front of him in for help, "that." He finished lamely.

Itachi nodded back, taking his answer as confirmation if not some comfort. "Was that really all I could do, though?" he murmured, barely audible over the crackle of the flames. Naruto figured it was not something meant for his ears, yet he answered all the same.

"Of course it was," he stressed, trying to lighten the conscience of a long-time guilty man. "You were under orders from the Sandaime. You couldn't very well turn your back on the village you vowed to keep safe. It was—" Naruto stopped abruptly as Itachi held up his hand.

"How could you possibly know all this?" Itachi narrowed his eyes in suspicion –the only emotion that Naruto had seen on his face yet. "That was a private deal between the Sandaime and me. Those records are sealed."

Naruto grinned, instantly lightening the atmosphere. "There's very little that can be kept from the future Hokage; Rokudaime to be exact. And prankster," he added as a second thought.

"Ah," Itachi nodded, a small smile playing on his face. "I had heard you obtained a Forbidden scroll at the age of 13. That's how you graduated, I believe." Itachi paused and took another small bite. "How did you get into the Forbidden scrolls, pray tell?"

Naruto blushed. "Ah, um, er." He finished off with a mumble.

"What was that?" Itachi leaned in to here, mockingly holding his hand to his ear to better hear; his eyes flickering from their dull state as he appraised Naruto.

"My sexy no jutsu." Naruto murmured a little clearer this time. It wasn't that he didn't like to use that particular jutsu anymore, but telling a missing shinobi that one of your graduation requirements was turning into a naked woman and knocking out the Hokage due to blood loss, was not something he was very proud of; anymore, that is.

"Hn," Itachi leaned back, "I thought so."

"Well," Naruto crossed his arms, "Not all of us were personally invited by the Hokage to be a keeper of the forbidden scroll room after making ANBU."

"How did you know about that?" Itachi didn't look surprise, but for some reason, Naruto could tell the shock was hiding under his calculating gaze.

"Like I said, I did my homework." Naruto pushed his feet out in front of him, closer to the fire, and leaned back a little further without falling.

"Quite thoroughly, I see." Itachi shuffled his legs to the side, and leaned back on his hands. "So what are you doing so far away from Konoha? A mission?" Itachi finished off the last of his meal, and looked up at Naruto expectantly.

"No," the blond shook his head. "Not a mission, per se."

"Hm," Itachi leaned forward, the only bodily expression that showed he was the least bit interested. "A visit?" he raised another eyebrow, showing that he knew there was no other reason for Naruto to be out here in the middle of nowhere.

"No," Naruto shook his head yet again, suddenly finding the dancing flames in front of him so very interesting.

Itachi closed his eyes as he leaned his head back. "Yeah, me too."

Naruto's head snapped to attention. "Huh? You're just taking a break too?"

"Something like that," Itachi shrugged. "An unofficial time off." Naruto waited for him to say more, sensing that Itachi was trying to get something off his chest. Why he was confessing to him, Naruto didn't know. Maybe it was the calm atmosphere and the fact that they both knew there was not another human being around for miles. What else could they do?

"I would have given Akatsuki my two week's notice by now if I could." Itachi hadn't opened his eyes yet, but Naruto surmised that it was probably easier that way. No great cosmic powers, forces that turned the universe, or gods that cursed one's path in life to think about when you guarded your eyes from the heavens above. "It doesn't take a genius t figure out that Akatsuki's a lifetime deal."

Naruto frowned. What could he say to that? It seemed like Konoha expected too much of her heroes sometimes-throwing them into situations she knows they will never be able to get out of. One day there might not be people willing to give up their entire lives to bend to her wishes. Yet, while Naruto hoped and prayed for a day like that, he doubted he would ever see it. A Konoha without ninjas.

"A world without ninjas." He murmured to himself, shocked as soon as he heard the words take sound in his throat and pass through his lips. His eyes widening, he could not believe he had just said that aloud. Itachi must think he's crazy. Tentatively, he lifted his eyes to gauge Itachi's reaction.

Instead of the worst, he found Itachi smiling. A true, light smile lifted the corners of his face as though he were experiencing a marvelous dream. Eyes still closed, no cold black or blazing Sharingan to be seen, the pale skin of his eyelids was the best medium between the two conflicting, powerful colours.

"I know that's impossible." Naruto murmured, unable to rip his eyes from the raven. "It's just a crazy idea –"

"No." Itachi opened his eyes, the light of the fire flickering at the top of the coal irises. "It's not. I wish for the same."

The unspoken ending that such a day will not likely come for a very long time was left hanging in the air. Nothing they would ever live to see, that much was sure.

"How long have you been _taking a break_?" Naruto began the conversation again, pushing on forward with the hope that Itachi wouldn't let him fall on his own.

He didn't.

"A month now." Itachi looked off into the night, the crickets' melody seeming to have caught his attention for the moment. "Kisame is resting in the clinic after our last battle. He almost drowned –if you can believe it –and is in a slight coma at the moment."

Naruto chuckled at the irony of it all, but quickly schooled his features, wondering how close Itachi was to his partner.

"So I left before Leader could assign me to another mission. And, no," Itachi noted the look on Naruto's face, guessing the blond's source of concern correctly. "I'm not too worried. He'll be fine in a week. Kisame is fine to have as a partner, but I would not label him as a friend. More of an acquaintance – a person part of my life due to pure circumstance."

"Ah," Naruto nodded knowingly, though not entirely sure how to take that. An acquaintance you knew for so long? Wouldn't they have to be a friend or enemy? He felt like scratching the back of his head, but didn't want Itachi to catch on that he didn't understand.

He did anyway. "Don't you have any people in your life who you are forced to interact with on a regular basis, but would never see outside the environment you're both forced into?" he cocked his head to the side, watching with amusement as Naruto fell into a look of concentration.

Now that Naruto thought back to all the people he knew, "acquaintance" much better defined most of his so-called friendships. There were very few people left in the village that he would still make an effort to see if he didn't live there and return every few months to get other missions. Who did he really feel connected to beyond a work level? Saying that you trusted someone with your life wasn't saying much. You had to trust each and every one of your teammates. It was one of those damn rules Iruka-sensei had drilled into their heads since day one –trust your teammates. Well, look where that had gotten him. But he wanted to think of at least one person that he would invite over to his house just for a chat or go hang out with simply for the sake of enjoying the other's company.

He wasn't sure.

Well, Tsunade and Jiraiya were excluded, he considered them to be the closest thing to grandparents he would ever have. Family didn't count. But what about Sakura? She was sweet. And though she reminded him of their genin days –pre Sasuke's defection - he still loved her as a sister. Naruto supposed he would make the effort to see her, no matter where they both ended up in the end. Maybe Shikamaru too? Well, he wasn't a good conversationalist; that was for sure. But Naruto had to admit that he always had his back –even when Naruto hadn't been completely aware of the fact. He was a true friend that preferred to "stays in the shadows," so to speak. Naruto chuckled at his own stupid pun, quickly glancing back up at Itachi, forgetting that he had company. Looking up into Itachi's expecting face, he realised that he really only had a list of four people he would see beyond his line of work.

"Yeah," he met Itachi's gaze. "I guess I have a lot of acquaintances, then." People you meet in life due to circumstance. That seemed most of the world to Naruto. Like what about Itachi? Was he an acquaintance? "Is that what this meeting is, then?" Naruto gestured between the two of them. "A meeting of circumstance and nothing more?"

Itachi didn't answer immediately as he twirled the Akatsuki ring on his finger with his thumb, looking down at the specks of light that glinted in the metal. "What if I told you I had sought you out and had planned to meet you here?"

Narrowed eyes glared suspiciously at the raven across from him. "I didn't even know I would be here. And even if you had been looking for me, I can't imagine why. Without Kisame, you have no reason to continue hunting down bijuu."

"Maybe I wanted our meeting to be based on more than simple circumstance and need."

Naruto's eyes dropped their suspicious look and took on a confused facet. He wasn't sure he understood the entire meaning behind Itachi's words, but he was willing to overlook it for now and let his mind figure it out later.

"Anyway," Itachi seemed to realise that Naruto hadn't gotten it for now, "How long have _you_ been on_ break_?"

"A few days." Naruto smiled grimly.

"It's lonely, isn't it?"Itachi looked straight at Naruto, gravity pulling his face down further in a grave expression. "Having no purpose to your direction, no time line to base your travels off of? Just waiting to see where the moment will take you and hoping that the rest of the world will continue to leave you alone?"

Naruto blinked, feeling like a gust of wind had just rushed through him and he was left trying to fight against the force of emotions just to stand and keep his expression schooled. All he could do was nod as his eyes dropped to the ground. "Yeah, I –I guess," Naruto looked down at his empty plate, realising that it was time to clean up – for want of something better to do. He took Itachi's offered plate, and then wiped off the remaining bits into the fire with a rag. Gathering all the culinary gear together, he stuffed it back in his pack and took out his sleeping bag.

Naruto finally risked a glance at Itachi again, still a little wary after his last comment, to see Itachi taking out his own equipment for sleeping. "You're welcome to travel with me, if you like." Naruto offered as they rolled out their blankets on either side of the fire. For obvious reasons, he knew that Itachi would be gone come morning, but something niggling in his mind pushed him to ask anyway.

Itachi regarded him through the flames that were finally dying down, "Maybe." He said, softly that Naruto had to strain to hear over the popping of the fire. Just as the words processed from Naruto's ear to his brain, Itachi lay down, brought the blanket to his chin, and rolled over to face the other way.

Naruto followed suit, also facing the other way –it was easier to fall asleep in the dark –and decided to let his mind rest for now. He would find out Itachi's decision in the morning. He didn't care how much longer the other stayed; it was just nice having good company for once. A fine, heartfelt discussion was something he had not had in a long while –not when your usual traveling partner's main concerns were women and sake. It really limited the amount of time they spent together bonding outside of training and missions, let alone good conversation topics at any time. Not that he loved Jiraiya any less for all his perverted quirks, but sometimes it was nice to just share a meal; two frie-. No, that was going too far; unless it wasn't circumstantial and Itachi was looking for a companion. But Naruto didn't know how to read the Uchiha yet. Hopefully he would stick around a little longer and allow Naruto to figure him out.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

A/N: _Well that was an interesting conversation. And Itachi's finally in the picture. Yay! But now the question is, for how long? _

Oh, and congrats to all who guessed the mysterious guest. Itachi! 


End file.
